We Happy Few
by Irena K
Summary: Three angels in a bar, having an existential crisis or two. Spoilers for 5x08.


Disclaimer: They belong to Eric Kripke

Feedback: is a girl's best friend. Constructive criticism is, as always, actively encouraged.

Thanks: Beta'd by the lovely sarcasticval.

Spoilers: Everything through 5x08, "Changing Channels"

Note: Darn near close to crack, although it ended up wandering into angst without me noticing. Also, gratuitous _Good Omens_ references. You've been warned.

Rating: PG, for language

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WE HAPPY FEW

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They had bound her in so many charms and sigils, she could barely move, let alone listen to the world spin beneath her. Death, it seemed, was too good for Anael. Now her siblings wanted to know how she _worked_.

Anna would have preferred death. At least it would have been an end of sorts. Though, if the occasional whispers were true, perhaps that wouldn't have been the case at all. The Hosts of Heaven and the Hordes or Hell were ready to ride out once more, and God alone knew what the outcome may be. And He certainly wasn't talking to His children anymore, if He ever had in the first place. Not that it mattered much. Creation was poised on the brink of self-destruction and there was nothing she could do, except sag in her chains and await the End of Days.

Which is when her brother chose to come waltzing back in, timing as impeccable as always.

"So, I'm starting to have some doubts here," the Trickster said, as if continuing an on-going conversation. "An existential crisis, if you will. It's annoying."

Anna grunted something that might have been an acknowledgment, but it was tough to interpret when she remained gagged.

"I mean, it's not like anyone will listen to what I have to say anyway, but sitting around while Earth is destroyed over the usual family squabble? I don't know, it just feels sort of pointless. Like smashing up your favorite toys so no one else can play with them."

Anna blinked.

"Look, I'm not saying I'm growing attached to the little hairless apes or anything, it's just that they have good points about them, and the Lord Father knows, they can be a hell of a lot of fun once you get them all wound up. I'd hate to see that much entertainment go to waste, know what I mean?" He waited for an answer, only to finally seem to notice that she was still contained. "Huh. Well, that just won't work."

He snapped his fingers and just like that, she was free.

She could have sobbed with relief, but, rather than give him the satisfaction, drew as much dignity around herself as she could muster and said, "I suppose you want me to thank you."

"Uh, _yeah_. It's not like I had to do it or anything."

"No, you didn't." If there was one thing being human had taught her that her brethren still didn't understand, it was humility. The only thing hurt here would be her pride and she cared little for that as it was. She inclined her head toward him. "Thank you."

"No problem. So, what do you think?"

"About what?"

Gabriel placed his hands on his hips, looking exasperated. "The Apocalypse! Haven't you been listening to a word I've said?"

Anna stared at him for several moments, then sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "If we're actually going to be having this conversation, can we at least go somewhere where they serve alcohol?"

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***

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When she had still been Anna Milton, she had tended to avoid bars like this. Mostly because they were too damn _loud_. She could barely hear herself over the noise of the surrounding crowd, let alone her companions, so it seemed pointless to go out and socialize when they couldn't actually do any of the latter. Now, the mere fact that she was out and about and not chained was enough to make her want to visit a hundred bars, each one louder and drunker than the last.

Even if that meant putting up with Gabriel and his never-ending monologue.

"It wasn't like I killed the idiot permanently! As if going and making a deal with that demon bitch was something I cooked up just to screw with him. Ever notice how humans spend more time blaming demons and angels for things they're perfectly capable of doing all on their lonesome? If they spent half that much energy on taking responsibility for their own actions, maybe we wouldn't be staring down the barrel of Judgment Day right now."

"Mmm." Anna had learned eons back that the best way to deal with Gabriel was to nod every once in a while and make encouraging noises in all the right places. Eventually he would run out of steam and something constructive could happen. She pursued her options on the menu in front of her. Typical bar fare, but then, any fare was better than no fare right now. "Do you know if they serve buffalo wings?"

"What?" Gabriel blinked. "I don't know. Maybe?"

"I haven't had any in a really long time. I could use some good wings." She glanced around, looking for the erstwhile waitress. "Is there table service here?"

"I have no idea. You're not listening."

"I'm listening," she lied and looked around for the waitress again. "I can listen and want wings at the same time. It's called multi-tasking."

"Oh, for-" He snapped his fingers and a plate of buffalo wings appeared right in front of her. "There. Happy?"

"That's cheating."

"Uh, Trickster, hello?"

She frowned. The wings really did look good, battered and just crispy enough. And they smelled heavenly, if you'd excuse the language.

"You forgot the bleu cheese dressing," she said.

"God, you're picky." Snap. "Better?"

"Yep." She sent a silent apology to the small chickens providing her with sustenance, praying for the tiny whiff of soul that had been sacrificed. Then she dug in and, oh Lord in Heaven, they tasted as good as they looked. "Any chance of getting some lager while we're at it?"

"That you'll have to order. It's a bitch to create and I can never get the consistency quite right. Cost me no few trials during the Middle Ages, let me tell you. Viking heroes always managed to see right through the trick soon as they tasted the mead." His eyes lost focus and an almost fond smile crossed his face. "Now, _there_ were some party people. Even their afterlife rocked: non-stop wine, women and song and a bunch of badass warrior chicks guarding the gates."

Anna sucked a bit of buffalo sauce off her right index finger. "I'm a badass warrior chick."

"Yeah, but did you ever wear a horned helmet? I think not. Besides, it's just not the same. Heaven's too filled with warriors and not nearly enough of the wine." He frowned. "Anyway, where was I?"

"The Apocalypse."

"Right, right. Which, for the record, I wouldn't even be questioning if it weren't for the goddamned Winchesters. Can you explain that to me? What the hell is so freakin' special about them that they manage to throw a spanner into the works every time without fail?"

Anna shrugged. "What makes you think I have any clue?"

"Well, you know them better than I do. Both literally and biblically, I might add."

She rolled her eyes. "Gabe, I've been in a cage the last few months. From the little I've heard, you should be asking Castiel about this, not me."

"Huh." Gabriel frowned thoughtfully and raised his hand. "Good point."

"Don't-" _you dare_ is what she meant to say but it was already too late. Gabriel snapped his fingers and there Castiel was, sitting at the table and looking vaguely befuddled.

This meant little. Castiel often looked befuddled.

He blinked several times and then focused on the grinning pagan sitting across from him. His lips curled back and he half-rose.

"Gabriel." The name fell down like a curse.

Gabriel wagged a finger at him, not in the least perturbed by the rage all but radiating off the angel. "I wouldn't do that, little brother. If you recall the last time we met, I pretty much handed your ass back to you. Or do you need a reminder?"

He still grinned, but something glittered in his eyes that was not at all playful. Castiel backed down with something akin to a snarl, his attention drifting to the third body at the table. His eyes widened and all the self-righteous anger abruptly drained from him.

"Anna."

She nodded, calmly wiping her hands free of sauce with her napkin. "Castiel."

"How did you – when -"

She tilted her chin at Gabriel, who shrugged and said, "Any excuse to piss off Zachariah is a an excuse well worth it, I say."

"Oh." Then a little quieter, "Oh. Anna, I-"

She slapped him.

His head jerked to the side and for a moment, he stayed in that position. He slowly turned back to her, one hand against his cheek, eyes wide and sorrowful.

"I deserve worse," he said.

"Apology accepted," she said. "Don't ever do it again."

"I... won't."

There was a long, awkward pause.

"Well," Anna announced, perhaps a little too brightly. "Since, the wait staff appears to have taken the night off, I'm going to the bar to order a pint. Who's in?"

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***

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It'd been a long time since she'd had a good drink. Well before she'd been committed, she thought. She'd lost interest in the binge drinking culture at school early her freshman year and after she'd regained her Grace, there'd never been any time to sit, let alone work her way through a beer.

The draft here was surprisingly decent, though Anna appeared to be the only one enjoying it. Castiel fiddled with his glass more than he drank from it and Gabriel had ordered something electric blue that came buried under a pile of fruit and a little paper umbrella.

"I get it, you know," Gabriel said. "The whole tragic two-brothers-in-a-house-divided thing. It's the stuff of epic poetry and blah, blah, blah. People get sucked into that sort of shit, so it's not like I'm blaming you for it or anything."

"Your actions would imply otherwise," Castiel muttered, eyes focused on his beer. He seemed to regard it as some sort of puzzle he had yet to figure out.

Gabriel waved his hand at him. "That was business. Not a personal judgment on your lifestyle choice."

"It is not a lifestyle -" Castiel trailed off, then looked up. "Oh. You're making a joke."

"That was one of the things I always liked about you, Castiel, your sense of humor. Oh, no, wait, I meant the opposite."

"Don't be an ass," Anna told him.

"What? I'm not the one who has to get everything explained twice because I take it all so damned literally."

"I'm sorry. I haven't spent as much time among mortals as you have." Castiel tilted his head. "Apparently, I merely needed to abandon my post and join a pagan pantheon in order to do so."

Anna snorted into her beer. Now, _that_ had definitely been sarcasm. What did you know? The boy could be taught. "He's got you there."

"Hey." He pointed at her, then at Castiel. "Hey now. What do you two know anyway, huh? Nothing, that's what. You didn't hear from our Father, did you? Get Revelation? Did you? No, no, you didn't. But I did fucking _constantly_ and then had to watch it all fall apart. And where's dear, old Dad now? You still have a single damn clue where?"

Castiel's hand tightened into a fist against the tabletop. "I will find Him."

"Sure about that? 'Cause I'm pretty sure the Old Man's dead as a doornail. It'd be just like Him, too, just to screw the rest of us over."

"That's not – it isn't true." Something in the way Castiel said it made Anna sit up a little straighter, eyes truly focusing on him on the first time. "I felt His Mercy. I was – I was _saved_ by it. And I will find Him and bring Him back to us."

Belief and desperation rolled into one definitive statement. Castiel had had, Anna realized, a near-death experience, or at least the closest an angel could come to one, and it had changed him. He had always been so disconnected before, reliant on those around him to show him a path he had been too timid to seek out for himself. And now, on his own for the first time, he had forged himself into a true believer. She was both impressed and a little frightened by the idea.

Gabriel looked underwhelmed. "And then what? Going to ask him to fix everything? Snap of the fingers and bada-boom, bada-bing, it's like it never happened?"

Castiel glanced away, jaw tight. "I will think of something."

"Oh, great. The fate of the world depends on you winging it. That is some awesome planning there, bro."

"Give it a rest, already," Anna snapped. "I don't see you doing much of anything to help."

"Like you should talk. You ripped out your Grace because you couldn't put up with the bullshit anymore, remember?"

"Gee, suppose I could have run off to play pagan god for a couple centuries, but, gosh darnit, I just didn't have that luxury." She gestured at Castiel. "Maybe Castiel's wrong. Maybe it's a fool's errand, because, heaven knows, I lost my faith long before I Fell. But at least he's doing something. What are you doing other than sitting back and acting like you're above it all?"

They glared at each other for a moment, before Gabriel slumped and muttered, "Knew I should've gotten Ariel to talk to instead. 'Least he gets my jokes."

Anna smirked. "Yeah, but he still talks in iambic pentameter. You'd be nuts inside five minutes."

They sat in a long silence. Anna debated the merits of getting Gabriel to conjure a second plate of wings but decided it was too much trouble. She could use another beer, though. It had been, she decided, one of the weirdest evenings of her very long life and since they had all managed to sit at the same table together without anyone being smited, she deserved a little indulgence.

"Do you really think it foolish?" Castiel said. "Trying to find our Father?"

Anna sighed, rubbing her forehead. "I don't know. I don't – don't truly believe in Him anymore. I wish I could, but I don't think I'm capable of it." She didn't add that she was just too old and too exhausted to willingly have her heart broken again. Another thing being human had taught her, giving shape to emotions she had only the vaguest awareness of as an angel.

Gabriel snorted. "Oh, He exists alright. I've had His voice in my ear one too many times for there to be much question."

"So, why didn't you say anything?" Anna said. "You knew there were doubts, before me, hell, before Lucifer. Why stay quiet?"

"Not how it works, sister. If it was, it'd be a lot easier, but then there wouldn't be much point to faith, would there?" He shrugged. "That's how it always got explained to me, anyway. I thought it was crap, but that's Ineffable Plans for you."

"All of us doing our best to tear each other to pieces is part of the Plan?"

"How the hell should I know? It's _ineffable_." Gabriel frowned down at the table, glaring at his drink. "I think I am entirely too sober right now."

Anna rose. "I'll get the next round."

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***

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The three of them stumbled out into the open air. Well, Gabriel stumbled. Anna hung onto a stubbornly stoic Castiel.

"I think we should start our own religion," Gabriel said, swaying only a little. "Have you ever done that? Ho boy, it's fun."

"Yeah?" Anna said. She concentrated on very carefully placing one foot in front of the other and was rather proud at the way she managed to walk in a not entirely crooked line. Balancing on Castiel helped, his hands warm against her back. "There's a rule against that. I think."

"Rules, schmules. Humans do it all the time. Why shouldn't we?" Gabriel frowned momentarily, as if he found this thought troubling, then brightened. "Hey, we even have our own built-in triumvirate. How cool is that?"

"We'd have to be aspects of some sort."

"Pfft. That's easy." Gabriel pointed at himself. "God of Awesomness." He pointed at Anna. "God-"

"God_dess_."

"Right. Goddess of Really Great Hair."

"I know, isn't it?"

"Completely." He pointed at Castiel. "God of – I don't know. Sticks Up Asses or something."

Castiel looked pained. "I'm not God."

"No duh. You'd just be _a_ god, not _the_ God. I think we all know what happens when you try to replace Him directly." Something dark and despairing passed over Gabriel's face, a piece of himself he kept tucked deep and far away most of the time. It could be all too easy to forget that once, so very long ago, he had carried his burdens with a joy unmatched in the Host, only to have that self-same joy destroyed at the hands of his own brothers. And so, he'd done the only thing he could when it came down to a choice between rebelling against his Father or casting out his family: he'd run, as far and as fast as he could until he was unrecognizable to all who knew him. Recast and recreated in an image entirely of his own making.

Anna very much wanted to cry.

Gabriel stared at the stars overhead, eyes unfocused on any one in particular. "Fucking Winchesters. They worm their way inside your head with their stupid monkey stubbornness and you can never get rid of them. This why you follow them, Castiel? Because you can never leave them behind?"

Castiel remained silent for a very long time, his grip tightening against Anna. While there might have been a time she could have read his expression, what he was thinking now was a mystery to her.

His words came out slow and halting. "I don't... follow. It isn't like that. It is just – it's the right thing to do. Seeking our Father, protecting His creations. It's right, that is all."

Gabriel snorted. "Must be nice, always knowing right from wrong."

"Yes," murmured Castiel. "It must be."

In the silence that followed, Anna felt like she should say something but every time she opened her mouth, the words refused to come. One brother lost and jaded, the other fumbling for an epiphany that may never come. And one sister too weary to give them the comfort she might have once.

Gabriel rubbed a hand over his face. "You know what? This evening is starting to suck. I think I can blame that on the Winchesters, too."

"Sam said he asked you to ally yourself with them," Castiel suddenly said. "You should. You love this world, I know you do. Help protect it."

Gabriel shook his head. "I do, little brother. But I love our family more." His expression softened into something almost resembling kindness. "It's what'll kill us in the end."

And there was nothing Anna or Castiel could say to that.

Gabriel straightened. "Well, kids, it's been a blast, but I think this is where I get off. Castiel, you find the Old Man, tell him..." He trailed off, then shrugged. "I don't know. Make up something cool and tell Him I said it. Anna."

"Yes?" she said

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"That's a pretty short list."

Gabriel grinned. "I know. Fantastic, isn't it?"

With a snap of his fingers, he was gone, leaving his two siblings alone on the street. They stared at the spot where he'd been for a moment.

Anna spoke first. "This position is kind of awkward. Can we sit down somewhere?"

"Of course."

The world twisted, dissolved and remade itself in a new way. Anna found herself sitting on a bench on an observation deck overlooking, if she wasn't mistaken, the Grand Canyon. Not that there was much to see at night, but the stars shone more brightly here without light pollution from the city and there were worse places to be, certainly.

"Show off," she said, but made no effort to move. She rested her head against Castiel's shoulder.

"Anna," he said. "May I – may I make a confession? I didn't think it wise to say in front of Gabriel."

"Yeah, shoot." She felt more than saw his confusion and she clarified, "I mean, go ahead. Say what you want."

"I think I might be scared."

She placed her hand over his and his fingers intertwined with hers. "Of what?"

"Of – of everything." It tumbled out of him in a rush. "That I will find our Father. That I will not. That He is dead. That He isn't. That Raphael is right and Lucifer was responsible for bringing me back. That I will lose both Dean and Sam this time. That they will destroy each other. That the world will end and it's my fault because I chose wrong." His vessel's body trembled slightly. "I'm scared all the time."

Anna laughed.

She didn't mean to and she wasn't trying to upset him, but, oh, oh dear, Castiel. Her poor, earnest brother. Only he could manage to capture the essence of humanity without ever realizing it.

He stiffened. "I don't understand why that's funny."

"It's not, not really, it's just..." She shook her head and squeezed his hand. "Oh, Castiel, welcome to the human condition."

She almost expected him to ask what she meant but he seemed to pick up on her intent. "This is what it's like to be human?"

"A lot of the time, yeah."

"It's not very pleasant."

She smiled, just a little. "Not always, but it's got its upsides, too."

"Oh." He looked down to where their hands met, the touch of skin on skin. "What will you do now, Anna?"

"I don't know. I'm sure they've noticed I'm missing by this point." She sighed, reluctant to tell the truth, but knew it had to be said. "We shouldn't be found together. It's dangerous for both of us."

"Yes, I know."

They always did, but neither moved. _What the hell_, Anna thought, and said, "Still, I think we have enough time to watch the sunrise, don't you?"

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END


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